Well, even if Rain did not cheat on me with Shorty or anyone else.
Even if Shorty is not the mysterious Tony (which I am positive he is).
It does not change the fact that:
1. she lied to me all these years
2. decided to go off on a weekend and fuck him while we were on a break (yep, not broken up but on a break)
3. seems she can easily be bought, sexually as well, with money, gifts, trips, etc.
4. is always confused about her life, her feelings, her emotions, her goals, her men
5. will probably never be truly happy, even if she convinces herself otherwise
6. is probably a pathological liar, necessary when it suits her needs and survival
7. uses men for whatever she needs and gives sex in return
If she cheated on her first true love, "Mike," then what is to say she never cheated on her other love (unless she lied about that too), Me? Her D. Who always took care of her. Who always made her feel special and beautiful and desired. Who paid attention to her. Who made her feel safe and secure. Who would have, foolishly, given her a home and family. Who made her laugh, cheered her up, encouraged everything she ever wanted to do in life and made her sexual fantasies come alive. I was her best friend for 5 years. She hardly had any real friends she spent time with. One of them lives out of state and lives the life Rain secretly wants. Another left town without saying bye years ago. A couple of model friends she is not really close with. A former gf of hers at work she labeled "easy" and a "whore." Ironic. She left the picture too. I was the confidant, the buddy, the lover, the artist, the hero all rolled up in one. Lucky me.
She turned out not to be the person I thought she was. And it makes me sad. I made her the center of my art and part of my world. I trusted her with my hopes, thoughts, fears and dreams. Who was she?
The relationship I cherished and loved ended in lies, apathy and betrayal. I don't know if she'll ever get help. I told her I think she has something deeper than depression. I said she has a personality disorder and she needs help. Not just pills, which she loves, but therapy. Work on herself. Not distract herself by working on her house and going on sex escapades with her married boss. It may make her feel better short term, but will only make things worse long term.
I hope she gets help. I hope she gets better. I do. Not for who she turned out to be, but for the woman I once loved and cherished. If she ever truly existed.
But, instead of asking me back, like she has done so many times in the past, I hope she listens to me when I told her never, ever to contact me again.
Time to move on.
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