The End is Near

2010. How I will remember you.

Her depression hit like a hurricane. Around February, she got on new depression meds, minus the therapy. I don't know how she expects to get better without working on herself and getting all that gunk out of her.

Well, lets just both sweep it under the rug. We'll do more pictures! We play poker now! Lets go here, lets do that! I just finished my Masters degree. Lets celebrate! 


Our sex life took a nose dive. Like in the past, the medications killed her libido. I was patient. I knew the danger. She associates feelings and connections to someone through sex. We drifted apart. In June, she switched to the new generic of the drug. She started to feel different in many ways on the generic. She started to get back some feeling sexually but could not orgasm. I decided to take it upon myself to make it happen for her. And with a lot of hard work, I did. We started to play and have some fun again. Then I took us on a cruise. She was a different person. The old Rain I used to know. We had fun. She tells me what she loves about us. She tells me she loves me. I thought things were starting to get on track.

I started to think about taking that next step. For real. Right after the cruise. Rent out my place. Move in, get engaged. Start planning a wedding. Lets have that baby. I love kids. This will be the adventure of our lives we can tell the grandkids about. Sounds corny, but its true. I doubt she is going to have that with anyone. Or at least have it last. Sadly. My instincts have been wrong in the past, but I am certain about that one. Damn. 

She was having doubts in the last two months or so. Was it the med change? Was it more? Was the broken record playing again? Now, did she tell me about this? Did we talk? No. Back to the same old story. She never talks about emotions or feelings. She only acts them out or acts on them.

She went to work, started to become stressed, was without her meds for four days, questioned everything in her life that was falling apart, and boom, go back to the first post of this blog. Hit and run.