Fallout part 2

I just wanted it over. I wanted to give her back her things. Two days later, we met at an old haunt. I wanted to talk. Surprisingly, I did not yell. I did not call names. I didn't hate her. I think I felt sorry for her more than anything. I was disappointed, betrayed. I lost all respect for her and let her know. She admitted she lost respect for herself. I asked her, do you like yourself or do you still hate what's inside when you look in the mirror? She said she still does not like herself on the inside. And picks out every flaw on the outside while professing to everyone how hot or attractive she is.

She refused to answer hardly any questions I had about Shorty. She could not answer when I asked her why she lied so much. I told her the cover story I was going to tell my daughter and please pick up when she calls this weekend to say good-bye. She called Rain at 4pm yesterday and left a voicemail. It is now 1pm the next day and nothing so far. I texted Rain to please have her call my daughter. I hope she does. My daughter is just a casualty and innocent bystander in all this.

Rain seemed sad and surprised when I gave her back almost everything she ever gave me. Shirts, necklaces, things for my house, etc. She also asked about my artwork and if I would be replacing her image. I said, yes in some of them. She was offended, but while searching for this new life of hers, she also quit modeling for awhile.

What kind of life is she looking for? One that is based on secrecy, sneaking around, shame, guilt and lies? Sure she can have more material things, maybe even get that baby (and get it paid for) while she's at it. Everything that used to matter to the Rain I knew was unimportant in her eyes. She was broken and I told her so. She agreed with the assessment. I told her it was not my job to fix her anymore. That I could not help her anymore. And that she hurt me bad. Someone who loved her, took care of her, put her needs first, made her feel safe and secure, gave her a feeling of belonging in my family, threw me away like I was yesterday's trash. She can justify it to herself and others by saying it was just time. That it was not going to go further. Maybe so. But I am sure she is not telling the rest of the story. Well, I am not out to do it for her. Let her keep her friends in the modeling world. I only confided in a few people so her secrets and shame are safe. It is healthier for me to just move on. One day, I will forgive her for her lies and deceit. For her bad judgment, as she puts it, for sleeping with her boss. I am not sure she has any true remorse in relationships. She has been damaged in her life so much I am not sure she has true empathy.

Time to focus on me.